Be More Assertive When You’re Shy

The very first thing you need to do if you want to be more assertive in your life is to understand what assertive is and what it isn’t. Being assertive does not mean that you are aggressive. You don’t have to be rude to be assertive. To be more assertive simply means that you stand up for yourself, speak up at the time that it’s needed, and respect the rights of others.

Prepare and Practice

Whenever you want to be better at something, the best thing you can do is overprepare and practice. You can practice by doing assertive things in a small way, such as practicing saying no. But you can also use visualization to practice so that when you find yourself in specific situations, you can fall back on the way you visualized it.

Find a Few Seconds of Courage

You don’t really need to be brave for very long to speak up for yourself. You simply need a few seconds of courage to stand up and say what you wanted to say calmly, clearly, and directly.

Choose Your Communication Channel Wisely

When you have something to say that is important to you think about your audience. What is the best way for them to receive the information from you? Is it best heard in person or best in a letter or an email? How about a text. It’s important to think about what you want to say and how you want to say it before doing it.

Act Confident Even When You’re Not

Your granny likely told you to “fake it until you make it” and there is a lot of goodness and truth in that advice. However, don’t think that you’re being dishonest when you act confident, even if you don’t fully feel it right away. Most people aren’t really going to know you’re nervous. Just speak up anyway. The more you do it, the more it’ll feel natural.

Speak Slowly and Remember to Breathe

When you do finally speak up at the right time, take a deep breath, and say what you need to say slowly and clearly. Speaking fast might make you trip over your words and cause miscommunication.

Make Eye Contact with People

A lot of people have issues with eye contact, but they are completely honest people. Even if you have an issue with it, understand that most people in the USA, at least find it off-putting if you don’t make eye contact. But remember you don’t have to make eye contact all the time, just part of the time. It’s not a staring contest.

Know That Saying No is Okay

Learning to say no is part of being assertive. If you’re a people pleaser, it’s easy to get into the habit of always saying yes and being that quiet person that everyone counts on. Try saying no to some of the things you don’t want to do or really don’t have time to do as practice.

Learn to Make “I” Statements

When you speak, since it’s not an academic paper, use “I” statements. I think, and I feel are the ways you can express yourself to others in a way that makes them hear you. Because what you think, and feel is important.

If your issue is genuinely shyness, or about being an introvert, practicing will help you become more assertive. However, if you think you have deeper issues such as social anxiety you may want to speak to a professional to help you move past it. Hiring a counselor or a life coach can help you break through if you’re having issues getting there.

Simple Ways to Become More Accountable

To be more accountable in your life, it’s essential to understand what being accountable really means. When you are “accountable” it means that you have responsibility for something and you admit it whether it’s a success, a mistake, or an out and out failure. If you want to become more accountable, which will make you a more trustworthy person who seems more authentic, try out these 10 ways to be more accountable.

• Set SMART Goals – SMART goals are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely. This means that you should spell out your goals to ensure they meet these guidelines so that you can succeed.

• Know Your Responsibilities – You cannot be accountable if you don’t have any control over something. It’s imperative that you get a grip on what you can and cannot control so that when you are taking responsibility and being accountable, it’s realistic.

• Make Useful Lists – When you make lists regarding the things you are supposed to do any given day for any given project ensure that the list takes into consideration your SMART goals and the time you have available to act each day.

• Reward Yourself – When you meet a goal or make a hard choice about your accountability, give yourself a reward. When you seek accountability, you’re doing more than most people ever do, you deserve something. Make the reward healthy and fit with your goals and objectives.

• Stop Multitasking – One thing that gets in the way of success for many people is the idea that “multitasking” is a positive trait to seek to emulate. However, studies show that no one can multitask efficiently. Stop doing it when you are doing something that needs your full attention.

• Improve Your Weaknesses – Everyone has weaknesses in their skills or even their personality that can be made better. However, it’s important to note which things you really have control over and what you don’t.

• Emphasize Your Strengths – More than working on weaknesses when you identify your strengths put those forward in everything you do. You can improve yourself, but why mess with what’s working?

• Value Time More Than Money – As much as you wish it were correct time is not free. In fact, time is the most critical resource that you have. Don’t give it away without considerable thought.

• Ask for Feedback – The best way to improve anything that you do is to get someone else involved who can give you honest and useful feedback. You may need a life coach, a counselor, or a mentor who can provide you the type of feedback that you really need.

• Check Up on Your Progress – You don’t always need outside sources to let you know if you’re succeeding and making progress or not. Depending on what you are doing, you can quickly look at the numbers and track what you are doing to find out if it’s really working. For example, if you’re trying to lose 10 lbs., the only way to know if you’re doing it is to weigh yourself.

Being accountable requires that you take some form of action to receive credit or responsibility for something you did, were supposed to do, or will do whether for good or ill. When you become the type of person that will be accountable for your thoughts, actions, and more you’ll also become a person who gives thought before taking action to ensure it fits in with your overall goals and objectives.

Bring More Optimism into Your Life

It is true that due to genetics, some people are more optimistic than others. However, did you know that you can learn to become more optimistic? If you are committed to being more optimistic, try these 8 ways to become more optimistic.

• Practice Positivity – If you tend to first thing negatively try to turn your thoughts around by actively pursuing positive thoughts. If a negative thought comes to your mind, turn it around in a positive way.

• Turn Off Your News – You don’t have to be uninformed, but cable news is delivered with a lot of sensationalism, and sadly, most people respond more to negativity. That’s why it’s so negative. Get your news from local sources and avoid opinion news and infotainment.

• Journal Your Gratitude Daily – Keep a gratitude journal by your bedside. Each evening write down three things that you’re grateful for today. You can do it quickly by using simple bullets to describe your gratitude.

• Accept That You Can’t Control Everything – One thing that causes people to lose their hopefulness is loss of control. However, if you can accept that you can’t control everything that can help you be more accepting and therefore, more optimistic.

• Acknowledge but Don’t Focus on Negativity – You cannot ignore negativity totally because they are often real things. It is sad when people die, money is lost, or a tornado blows down a house. It’s normal to feel sad, negative, and upset over these things. Don’t place all your focus here though, instead find more confident that are positive to focus on.

• Find Friends Who Are Positive Too – They say that birds of a feather flock together. If you have any friends or family members who are especially negative, try to limit your association with them and find more people to hang out with who are positive too.

• Develop A Few Positivity Focused Affirmations – An affirmation is simply a statement of your intention for anything. Each day get up and say something positive such as “I love leading meetings at work and know that I can curb the negativity of Gerald by expertly deflecting to positive topics.”
• Become Solution Focused – When you focus on creating solutions for the things you do have control over, it’s naturally going to make you more optimistic as you experience more success.

Optimism is the ability to see the good in whatever is happening now. Even if you sometimes feel down due to something happening if you can think clearly about it while working through it, you’re still an optimistic person. There is nothing wrong with being optimistic about life. After all, most of the time, life is wonderful, especially when you learn to be grateful for the small stuff.

How Your Attitude Affects Your Performance

If you struggle to reach optimum performance mentally, physically, and emotionally, it could be your attitude is getting in the way. Studies show a positive correlation between having a positive attitude and performing optimally. In fact, multiple studies back the idea that a positive attitude directly affects performance in a good way while a negative attitude lowers your performance in all ways.  

A positive attitude manifests in many ways. It encourages constructive thinking and gives you a more optimistic outlook on life. Plus, the more positive you are, the more energy and motivation you’ll have to see through to reaching all your goals.

Here's some ways to build a more positive attitude.

Expect Success

Successful people expect to be successful in the things that they do. Their positive attitude and their lack of doubt drive them to push forward until their dreams are achieved.

Look for Inspiration

You are literally surrounded with inspiring things. You just have to open your mind to them. The air, the sky, the family walking in the park can all give you inspiration if you just look for it.

Build Your Perseverance

A person with a positive attitude will persevere through the hard times knowing that if they continue on the path, they will succeed. If you tend to get discouraged when things get tough, don't give up. Build your perseverance by focusing on the outcome instead of the small things that try to trip you up.

Open Your Eyes to Opportunities

You know the saying when one door closes, another opens. Just like with inspiration, you are surrounded by opportunities. When you start focusing more on the positive you will begin to notice those opportunities for success.  

Never Stop Learning or Taking Action

A positive person won't stop until they are great at what they do. They are lifelong learners, diving headfirst into the topics they need to know to achieve their goals. Once they reach their goal, they continue to stay on top of topics that will better themselves. They don't just learn; they take action on what they learn because action equals results.

Believe in Yourself

When you have a positive attitude, there is no room for self-doubt or negative self-talk. With a positive attitude, you will have faith in yourself and your abilities. You will believe you can achieve the goals you've set for yourself.

Become More Solution-Oriented

A negative person only sees the problem. A positive person seeks a solution. When things don't go as planned, locate the problem then move on to finding the solution. Being solution-oriented will ensure you perform at optimum level.

Accept Setbacks

When you have a positive attitude, you won't see setbacks as failures. You won't give up because something didn't work according to plan. You'll view these setbacks as part of the ongoing process. Oftentimes when facing a setback is when you grow the most.

The more you seek to improve your attitude in all areas of your life, the more success you’ll experience. You’ll be healthier physically, emotionally, and mentally. You'll reach your goals quicker and with bigger success.

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Fixed Versus Growth Mindset

The importance and role of your mindset, which is a combination of your values, beliefs, and attitude, has been examined by many over the years. In 2006, a Stanford university professor named Carol Dweck published a groundbreaking book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, which explained how your outlook plays a significant role in your success and happiness. She determined through her research that we all have a mindset that lies somewhere between two attitudes on the learning continuum.

What is a Growth Mindset?

As Dweck defined it, the growth mindset is one that believes that the talents and strengths you have can be developed continually throughout your lifetime. Learning happens as a result of practice, explicit effort, vicarious learning, and hard work. When Dweck proposed this mindset, it was in contrast with long-held notions that talents and traits, including intelligence, were innate and remained mostly fixed from birth.

A growth-oriented outlook helps you identify your personal strengths as well as identify room for growth and the ways you need to improve yourself in order to achieve your goals. After 30 years in the learning community, froth mindset has become firmly embraced by not only schools but also companies, organizations, life coaches, and those focused on personal fulfillment. Having a growth mindset empowers you to take control of your own life, realize your dreams, and improve yourself in ways that are personally meaningful to you.

The Difference Between Fixed and Growth Attitudes

This positive, growth-oriented attitude is contrasted with a more fixed view of learning. The fixed mindset believes that you are born with all the talents, gifts, traits, and capabilities you will ever have, which means that attempting to grow and change is fruitless. Those with this way of thinking about themselves and the world often find that they must prove themselves to others or compete because they value only showing their capabilities, not improving them. When you do not believe you can grow your character, intelligence, or talents, you tend to focus on ways to demonstrate what you already know.

There are many ways to see the differences between these ways of looking at yourself and the world. To summarize, here are some examples of how the two mindsets approach life or consider problems.

• The growth mindset finds lessons and inspiration in the successes of other people, while the fixed mindset feels threatened by others’ success.
• The growth mindset learns from criticism while the fixed mindset ignores this feedback because they do not believe they have anything to learn from it.
• The growth mindset desires to learn while the fixed mindset just wants to look smart to others.
• The growth mindset is able to see the bigger picture when seeking solutions to problems while the fixed mindset blames others, feels sorry for themselves, or only focuses on the negative in a situation.
• The growth mindset persists in the face of setbacks while the fixed mindset gives up easily.
• The growth mindset takes responsibility for their own learning while the fixed mindset ignores opportunities and seeks out distractions.

The differences between these two ways of thinking are best seen in how you deal with setbacks, your level of effort to reach a goal, and your views on challenges. But your way of thinking about yourself and learning can influence everything from the goals you set to the people you spend time with to your overall happiness and success in life. Learning to adopt a more growth-oriented way of thinking can help you embrace the power of learning and achieve your dreams in life.

6 Key Benefits of Adopting the Growth Mindset

Your mindset controls how you view yourself, others, and the world. It manages your ability to grow and change, whether you realize your dreams, and how you control your life and destiny. Your mindset determines whether you develop throughout your life or if you remain fixed in your development and traits. Adopting a growth mindset is one of the most positive things you can do for yourself, but what exactly are the benefits of taking this outlook? Here are just a few.

Growth Thinking Boosts Your Confidence

Setbacks and challenges are much more likely to undermine your confidence and set you on a path to struggle with a fixed mindset. Those who embrace learning can look at adversity as an opportunity to improve themselves, which boosts their confidence by enhancing their competence. Because growth thinking helps you see the value in opportunities, you are more likely to learn from all experiences, even those that others might view as unfavorable.

Growth Strengthens Your Relationships

Those with a fixed way of viewing themselves and the world often struggle with long-term or intimate relationships because they often expect perfection from others or value how others make them feel. With a growth outlook, you recognize that you are not perfect, nor should you expect your partner to be. You strive to be a better person for yourself as well as those you love, and over time, this can help you change in ways that benefit your relationship. You are also willing to allow your partner to strive to improve themselves.

You Will Gain Better Insight into Yourself Through Growth Thinking

Being able to focus on growth means that you can evaluate your strengths and struggles well, identify ways to improve yourself, and set goals for yourself that are aligned to your values. Through growth thinking, you learn to evaluate your capabilities and clarify your dreams, which enables you to set a course for your life that is more likely to result in joy and success.

You Can Have More Fun in Life with a Growth Mindset

When you do not think that you have anything to learn in life, why would you bother to try new things, do something just for fun, or experiment with your choices? When you stop fearing “looking dumb” or worrying that you will not be good at something, you can start doing things just because they sound exciting or because they are fun to try. It does not matter if you are not “good” at something with a growth mindset, because if it is something you find you like doing, you can always get better at it later.

Growth Thinking Helps You Let Go of Perfectionism

Those who are fixed in their thinking worry a lot about perfection. Because life is just a series of tests of your current capacity, you need to be “on” always, to be at your best consistently. A growth mindset allows you to see that no one is perfect, that we all have room for improvement. But, fixed ways of thinking focus on how the world is measuring or judging your innate gits, which can block your willingness to experiment, show vulnerability, or take risks.

You Can Reframe Setbacks and Challenges

When you are stuck in fixed ways of viewing yourself, you are likely very frustrated by setbacks or avoid challenges that might point out your lack of skills or weaknesses. However, a growth-oriented attitude helps you see these types of adversity of useful and full of information that can inform your development. For those with a fixed mindset, challenges can deter motivation, but when you focus on growth, they can actually improve your willingness to work hard. 

5 Ways to Implement the Growth Mindset Today

Researchers and psychologists have been studying the influence of mindset on learning and personal fulfillment for decades. Based on over 30 years of research, Carol Dweck formulated a theory of mindset that states that we all lean toward one of two primary mindsets.

• The fixed mindset us one that believes our talents and traits are innate, they are determined at birth, and they do not develop much over our lifetimes.

• In contrast, a growth mindset believes that all our abilities, skills, and traits can be developed throughout our lives, which means learning occurs at all stages of living.

Those who embrace a growth outlook have the capacity to positively change their lives at any age. They recognize that learning opportunities exist in all that we do, and they learn to set higher goals for themselves, which allows them to live their dreams and come closer to self-actualization.

To implement a growth mindset, you need regular practice of attitude and behavior that, over time, can change how you see the world. Here are five ways you can start cultivating your growth mindset today.

#1. Adopt a Positive Outlook

Those with a growth-oriented attitude consider opportunities instead of challenges, learning experiences instead of failure. A positive outlook on life helps you see possibilities where others see obstacles and value the struggles in life, which have a great deal to teach you. A positive attitude enables you to look past the negative outcomes in situations and embrace the possibilities that exist.

#2. Stop Avoiding Challenge

To embrace the growth mindset, you have to be open to challenges, setbacks, and adversity. That means saying “yes” to challenging tasks, new experiences, and activities outside of your comfort zone.

Those who avoid challenge lose the ability to persist, to exercise self-discipline, and to strengthen the skills necessary for problem-solving. Instead of avoiding challenge, walk toward it. The more you embrace these opportunities, the more you will reap the benefits they have to offer your life.

#3. Celebrate Your Hard Work and Successes

To start embracing new opportunities and trying new things, you have to believe in your own capabilities and talents. To boost your confidence, you need to recognize the challenging work you put into your goals, celebrate the milestones and intermediate successes you have along the way, and honor your strengths and talents. Remembering past achievements and accomplishments enhances your ability to learn and keeps you focused on the positive benefits of your hard work.

#4. Practice Self-Awareness

To improve your growth and personal development, it is helpful to know how your thoughts, actions, and beliefs are affecting your success and happiness. Self-awareness helps you identify areas for growth, realize which strengths you have to build on, and what your important goals and values are. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself and others, how you describe learning, the biases or preconceived notions you may have, and how your mindset and habits affect your ability to accomplish your goals.

#5. Reconsider Your Position on Failure

Most people have an extremely negative attitude about failure. They assume it says something significant about them, that it is something that will “mark” them forever, and that it is something to fear or avoid at all costs.

You must see failure as a stepping stone, a learning opportunity and welcome failures for all you can learn from them and therefore grow.

In reality, failure is simply information about what did not work, which is why you need to adopt a more positive outlook about it. Author and fitness expert Fred DeVito summed this thought up nicely when he said, “If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.”

5 Ways to Boost Your Personal Growth Efforts

Learning to improve yourself and grow personally is a journey that takes time and effort. Personal growth happens because of continual changes to practice, but sometimes, these efforts can feel like they are not really leading anywhere or that your development has stalled out over time. If your personal growth practices need a jump-start or a boost to get you back on track, we offer these five tips for enhancing your goals toward personal fulfillment.

Tip #1. Get a Mentor

Mentors are great for teaching you things you do not already know, giving you advice on how to get moving, and offering alternative perspectives on your ideas or problems. You can find mentors in lots of places, including among your friends, family, and co-workers. But you may want to look further afield, including at leaders or others in your community who you admire. You can even offer to work or volunteer for someone from whom you would like to learn.

Tip #2. Travel as Much as Possible

Travel has so many benefits to your mental and emotional well-being, and it is an excellent catalyst for personal growth. When you are constantly surrounded by others who have the same beliefs and thoughts as you, you are not challenged to grow or evolve. When you travel, whether internationally or even locally, you are exposed to new ideas and people, and you learn through new experiences. Travel does not have to cost a lot to be meaningful and educational, either.

Tip #3. Make Reflection an Everyday Habit

If you want to jump-start your personal development work, you need to get into the habit of daily reflection, because this is your chance to regularly evaluate what you are learning and what efforts are working. Reflection helps you identify where you need to improve as well as illustrate your strengths, which you can use to help you grow and learn. Without reflection, you will not really know what needs focus and where you are thriving in your life.

Tip #4. Get Creative

Creative pursuits are an excellent way to activate new pathways in your brain, to make learning feel exciting, and to boost your growth. Finding a creative outlet for your thoughts and feelings gives you a productive way to share part of you with the world, and artistic and crafty endeavors use parts of your brain you do not use in daily life. Painting, sculpture, poetry, photography, crafts, woodworking, sewing, and ceramics are all examples of creative activities that can ignite your mind and get you excited about learning.

Tip #5. Measure Your Successes

When you are trying to change yourself and grow, it is crucial to know how well your efforts are working. Finding ways to measure your progress is crucial. Measuring personal growth may sound tricky, but it does not have to be. Think about tallying the new habits you are adopting and how frequently you are doing them. Think about measuring how many times in a day you can get negative thinking back on track. Measure your growth in ways that make sense for you, but be sure you know where you are making progress. When you notice that things are stalling out, that is valuable feedback that should drive your future efforts.

Final Thoughts

No matter what, remember that personal development takes time and patience, so be gentle and kind to yourself, as well. Remember that no one makes significant, lasting change overnight, and focus on making small, incremental changes every day that lead you a little closer to who you want to become.